For the most part, the Marriage Preparation Course that couples are made go through before getting Wed is a load of balls.
Let me stop there for a second and just say that I don’t actively go out of my way to offend anyone, sometimes it just happens and I’m OK with that. Usually, not always but usually, when one is offended it just means that our way of thinking has been challenged.
I think that’s a good thing.
Anyway, Marriage Preparation Course. Mostly a waste of time in my opinion, BUT I did take away one brilliant lesson from ours (and before anyone says anything, it was nothing to do with the ‘hanky panky’ portion of the course, which I thought was absolutely riveting by the way).
We did an exercise with our partners in which we were made identify each other in a list of 8 personality types. I don’t remember them all but I do remember that we both pegged Shannon for a ‘Worrier’ and myself, a ‘Fixer’.
The Worrier title may seem negative at first glance but it isn’t at all. Simply put, it means that Shannon is always looking ahead and trying to plot a course that is in our best interest. Sometimes that can cause undue worry but, all in all, I think she handles being married to a clown extremely well.
The Fixer, on the other hand, can cause an odious amount of problems!
Let me demonstrate my hidden talents in this role play scenario;
Shannon enters the kitchen, just home from work in a foul mood because X,Y or Z has happened.
She needs to vent. Venting ensues.
Niall is sitting on the counter drinking tea and listening intently to all of Shannon’s woes, when all of a sudden he realises that he knows exactly what she needs to do to sort out her dilemma!
Without a seconds delay he blurts out his solution and proceeds to lay out his detailed and intricate plan to right every wrong he heard her speak of.
Shannon looks at him.
Niall looks at Shannon like a puppy that just woke itself with a fart.
Shannon leaves the room more annoyed than when she entered.
Niall sits atop the counter still trying to locate the origin of the fart.
Can you see where The Fixer went wrong?
Shannon needed to vent, she didn’t need solutions right there and then, she just needed to be heard and to get things off her chest.
Niall has learned this and does his utmost to repress The Fixer in times like these.
Shannon appreciates this greatly.
What on Earth has this to do with you and is Shannon not going to kick your arse some of these weeks for divulging all of this stuff online?
I’m getting to that and no, hopefully she doesn’t.
Sometimes, rather than jumping straight into what you see as a solution, maybe you will be better placed to sit down and listen to the problem.
Can’t lose weight? Maybe that 30 day challenge isn’t the magic pill you think it is. Maybe its worth your while sitting down and asking yourself why you really can’t lose the weight. Are there any other avenues that you need help with before resorting to drastic measures?
Want to begin training? Maybe jumping straight into 5 times a week of weights/running/Zumba isn’t what you need. Maybe sitting down and looking at what you need and what you enjoy is going to reap more rewards.
The point here is simple.
You don’t need to be your own Fixer all of the time, sometimes you need to listen to what is really going on and decide if there is a better action to be taken, if any at all.
I’ll leave you with this last story.
I once had a woman contact me looking to begin Personal Training. She said that she ‘needed to do something because’ she had been ‘eating like a pig’ and wanted it was time that she ‘suffered for it.’
Long story short, we discussed what her lifestyle was like right now, what her relationship with food and with her own body was like and we came to an agreement that Personal Training wasn’t what she needed right now. We agreed that she needed to have an honest conversation with herself and figure out her real goals. I gave her some simple tips on eating and exercise and asked her to go away and implement the lessons I had given her.
Fast forward 2 years and she has become one of my most successful Heroes. She enjoys food and training equally and she has a more wholesome outlook on life and her body.
The Fixer in me would have ploughed on in with training and diet advice but luckily for both of us I was able to restrain him and everyone is the better for it.
The Fixer can’t always fixed what is broken.
Sometimes all it takes is time and honesty from within.